Mel's World: Kicking off 2018 with a BANG!
I have been wondering for a while if how I have been feeling about myself is how people were seeing me. One way to find out is to be open to the conversation, and ask the question.
So I Did.
I ask for people to be HONEST, and I wanted people to be comfortable saying exactly what was on their minds, while I assume the majority of people who decided to take part would have no problem telling me who they are, I assured anonymity by having emails sent to a co-worker who put all the responses together on a word document. So I really don’t know who wrote what.
Overwhelmingly, the word negative was used, and it’s not a surprise. I knew it, I’ve been in the middle of saying something and I knew how I was coming across. So knowing that I felt that about myself and knowing that it IS how other people see me, it tells me something….I’m not so far gone (or on my way back) that I can’t work at changing this. And I have been. I can hear it when I talk, and I can feel it when I react to things, but I am, I promise being more reflective and seeing it as it is.
- “Kudos to you for asking for feedback. It is a brave and mature thing to do. Remember that attitude, work ethic and overall vibe largely impacts everyone around you in good ways and in bad. If you’re inconsistent with your mood and reliability, the slack is picked up by others. If you are consistently positive and reliable, you will lighten the load of the people around you.
- Negativity can suck you in and it sucks and drains the people around you too. Positivity 2018
- For Mel: I find you are more negative than positive.
We know that you have been through some hard times, but you have changed and become negative over the past couple of years.
People are afraid to tell you how they feel about your attitude because they believe it will get worse if they do.
Your personality, work ethic and how people feel about you in general has been impacted.
We know an awesome Mel is in there, so this is not something that can’t be fixed. Would love to see the return of a consistently happy, positive, loveable Mel for 2018!”
This note was hard to read,
- “It’s important to remember that you’re not the only person struggling with problems. I often don’t come to you with my problems because in the past I have felt that you make it about you.
Your attitude affects us all, I distance myself from you when you’re not in a good mood. I think you have lost passion in your job.”
To whoever this is, I AM SO SORRY that I haven’t been a good friend. I am so sorry that I have neglected you. I am sorry that as a result it seems like we have lost touch (I can’t confirm this because I don’t know who you are) I have absolutely been living inside my own head, and I promise YOU that I will listen, I will shut my mouth and truly listen. I am so sorry.
And this was the final message I’m going to share, there is a lot to unpack, and what I am Bottom Line taking away from it is this, Whoever you are, your patience with me, is astounding. I am grateful for you, and grateful for your advice and your thoughts here. I want to say that I am very grateful for this part of what you wrote
- “If there was one thing that might help Mel get back to the point of "carefree and positivity" again, it would be to lean more on her friends. No one has to battle the darkness alone. No one. Ever. I truly think that once Mel deals with Mel, everything else will fall into place. Dealing with her issues, as they stand, is a step by step, day by day fight. Start small and snowball it into a mighty avalanche. Clean out the closets, both physically and metaphorically. That's a good starting point.”
I purge my physical closet every six months! So it looks like it’s the metaphoric closet that has been neglected.
So this “exorcise” was intimidating and I wasn’t sure how to share it. So straight forward was the path I chose.
- -Great Voice.
-Great commercial read.
-Find it hard to laugh in the face of hardships and challenges.
-Tendency to dwell on negativity.
-Need to foster gratitude for blessings.
Sometimes the feelings of Hardships and Challenges can be overwhelming to me, it is something that I’ve always had a hard time with. Dwelling on negative things I think can be easier than celebrating the good things, believe the bad stuff is easier than believing the good things. Perhaps your last line, Foster gratitude for blessings will help me to take the good stuff to heart as easily as the bad. The rest of your list is hella flattering and I appreciate your thoughts.
My closing thought is this…..When I came home to work in Halifax, I was given the “Mel” nickname. It was a particularly hard period for me. And it might have been where I started to …. change, I’m not sure if a simple name change would do much if anything, but maybe taking my name back, will help me find my way back to being Melinda, and help me leave Mel back in 2017.
It’s got a ring to it.