To Kid or Not to Kid

When I was 7 years old someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said “stay at home” Their response “Oh, you want to be a stay at home mom?” Me” No, I don’t want kids, I just want to stay at home.”

From a young age I knew I didn’t want kids. Even when I was a teenager and people were always saying you better be careful, you could get pregnant, I was like Nope, I have that all taken care of.

In my early 20’s people would ask me the same. Do you want kids and my response was always the same…NO! Even when people show me pics of their baby I’m like “that’s nice” in my mind, I don’t really care and I’d probably much rather see a picture of your cat or dog

ACTUAL PHOTO OF HOW AWKWARD I AM WITH BABIES

Now here I am in my 30’s and while my heart still says no to kids, my mind wonders. I have a great career, a great partner, do I want kids?

Last week we had family stay with us and they have a 5 year old son. You couldn’t ask for a better kid. He’s quiet, respectful, funny, cute and I enjoyed spending the week with him. But at the end of the day while they had to put him to sleep, I went down to the basement and watched TV. I thought, even if I had this kid, the best kind of kid, it’s still work and busy

I love my nieces and nephews very much but I always enjoy saying goodbye to them and going back to my quiet life

I like naps and being alone and just doing what I want when I want.

To be honest I think the only reason I’ve been second guessing having kids is because of that damn biological clock. Don’t say it’s not real cause it is. It’s that thing inside of you saying your time is almost up and are you 100% sure this is what you want because there is no turning back.

I often wonder if women didn’t have this clock. If menopause didn’t exist and we were fertile until we die, how many of us would have kids. I feel like it’s only until you put a time limit on something if people question their beliefs.

Don’t get me wrong, If I was that 1% who got pregnant while on contraceptives, I would love that baby to death but will I go out of my way to try and create life…I’m 90% sure I won’t. The other 10% is that damn clock…tick tick tick