Amazing Concert Rider Written By Iggy Pop
This document was found at iggypop.org
First of all, can I say what a pleasure it will be to work with you all. Probably.
Secondly, and rather more importantly, I will be working for the Stooges on the day of the show. I personally do not drink alcohol, I don't like soft drinks, I am rather too fat to be allowed near chocolate and cakes, and I get paid enough to buy my own drugs and dinner. So I would like you to donate, say, 50 U. S. Dollars to a local homeless charity in lieu of the stuff I could possibly have consumed.
It's not much I know, but it's better than nothing...
Oh, and I'll need a receipt.
A BUNCH OF CATERING RIDER-TYPE STUFF
Hello. This is a list of stuff we need for the day of our show. It's not too complicated, but if you've got any problems, talk to us and we'll resolve them. I think you'll find we're very reasonable people. Except me.
- Can we have strong coffee & tea with milk, sugar, spoons, etc. all day? You can provide a kettle or a coffee machine if you like, otherwise i'm sure there's a starbucks in your area. If there isn't, this is God telling you to open one. ....... Oh, and some cups.
- A bit of assorted food for the crew is always appreciated, at lunchtime. Like a lot of people, we like tasty food that isn't full of pesticides and mad cow disease. Thick vegetarian soup is a safe bet, with some salads and fresh bread; that type of thing. Lovely. For about 4 or 5 people.
- At load-out time, when we're going to leave, we like to be supplied with two enormous pizzas, either to eat, or to leave on the bus until we find a truckstop trashcan with an entrance about 10cm/2 inches round, then we desperately try to fold the enormous stiff pizza box so that it's small enough to go in, which it never is, so we leave it on the side with all cold tomato puree and stringy cheese stuff dripping out of the side... Anyway... one quattro formaggio and one hot pepperoni. Or if there's no pizza available, some sandwiches or sandwich making ingredients. Bread, like baguettes (en belgique, d'une boulangerie qui est specialisee en baguettes) cheese, mustard, salad, maybe a bit of ham and chicken. But hopefully not one of those sandwiches from Subway with beef and alfalfa sprouts sticking out, like a Florida retiree's bikini bottoms. Yuk.
- And some fruit.
- And chocolate. Yum yum.
- 3 litres of still water
- 3 litres of sparkling water
- 12 bottles of nice beer
- and 1 litre of fruit juice. ..........I prefer grapefruit.
- Dinner for ten people should be available, cooked at the venue or supplied by a local restaurant, either at the restaurant or brought to the venue. We need to have a selection of chicken, fish, and vegetarian. Calling Germany ... vegetarian means "does not have any meat in it". That includes sausage. And whatever 'speck' is.
-Dinner for Iggy and two other people should be available at the venue or at a local restaurant, after the show. Local cuisine is acceptable, (i.e. local food for local people) or steak/chicken, endangered species (excluding moths and anything really cute), snake, whale, or nurse shark, - with the nurse on the side, just in case. Well, we could get bitten, couldn't we?
- One (1) pack of Poker size playing cards (such as Bee, Bicycle, or Aviation). For me. In case I want to do some card tricks. Or in case one of the band's girlfriends fancies a quick game of strip poker while the band are on stage. For money, naturally.
- Eric Fischer, The Stooges Road Manager, would like to acquire some pins, or badges, I think he means, that signify the current country (yours) so he can stick them on his tour jacket and look like a big YMCA power walker or something. Is this feasible? You might have to call him to get a sensible version of this request. I feel all nerdy just typing it.
We need two dressing rooms to be made available for our sole use, viz.
Dressing Room One for Iggy Pop
You know what would be really nice? If you could make this room look less like a typical rock & roll dressing room and more sort of.... Interesting? Are you with me? Just let someone loose with a little bit of artistic flair... Er, do you know any homosexuals? And am I allowed to say that? Probably not.
It should contain:
- A kettle or water heating device of some description.
- Some fresh ginger, honey, lemons, and a sharp knife. So we can make ginger, honey and lemon tea. God knows why.
- And some Chinese gunpowder tea. So we can attempt to blow up the dressing room. That's a joke by the way. Good thing this isn't an airport...
- An English language newspaper like the New York Times or the Miami Herald. Or the Guardian (my personal favourite). Or a copy of USA Today that's got a story about morbidly obese people in it. Most amusing!
- Somebody dressed as Bob Hope doing fantastic Bob Hope impersonations and telling all those hilarious Bob Hope jokes about golf and Hollywood and Bing Crosby. Oh God, I wish I'd been alive in those days, so that Bob Hope could have come and entertained me in some World War 2 hell-hole before I went off and got shot. What joy they must have experienced...
OR rSeven dwarves, dressed up as those dwarves out of that marvellous Walt Disney film abouit the woman who goes to sleep fro a hundred years after biting a poisoned dwarf, or maybe after pricking her finger on a rather sharp apple... or something. What was the name of that film? Was it Cinderella? Taller people are acceptable, of course. It's attitude, more than height, that's importantb here. Don't forget the pointy hats!
- A big bucket of ice, or a refrigerator, containing:
- 2 litres good quality still mineral water. I think it should originate in the country we are in.
- 6 bottles of Grolsch or decent local beer.
- 10 16oz plastic cups and 4 glass wine glasses
- a corkscrew to open wine bottles
- 2 bottles of smooth, full-bodied, Bordeaux type red wine. Probably French. And something we've heard of, but still can't pronounce. Look, there's fucking loads of good red wines. Ask the man in the wine shop. Or here's a number of suggestions:
1st choice - a Medoc, St. Emilion, Pamerol, or Pauillac, years '86, '89, '90
2nd choice - a Barolo or Barbaresco '89 or '90
- 4 large, clean towels.
See? Not all that bad, is it?
Dressing Room Two for The Stooges
- 3 cases x 12oz bottles of still mineral water. Good quality. Doesn't have to be French, though.
- 3 large bottles of good quality sparkling water. Again, un-French is good. Unless we are in France, in which case - What a marvellous country.
- 1 x case of big bottles of good, premium beer. You decide. But remember, I might ask you to taste a bottle, so buy something nice!! Here's a clue - it's probably won't start with a letter "B" and end with "udweiser".
- 6 cans of red bull or similar. Something with testicles in it. Or testicles lite.
- 6 bottles of alcohol free beer The saxophonist likes to mix it with his whisky. And vodka. And other beer, probably. Is that classed as having a bit of a drink problem, having to pretend to be drinking, even when you aren't?
- A bottle of vodka decent stuff, please. Not made in bloody England. Some people seem to enjoy that Ketel One vodka from Holland. Our sound man, however, says it's piss. And he could give the saxophonist a run for his money, not to mention alcohol. No accounting for taste, though, so a bottle of Ketel One, or failing that, Grey Goose. (Down in one, so to speak, haha). I don't know - do they make alcohol free vodka? In Denmark they have one called Spunk, which tastes of liquorice!! How we laughed. It's not alcohol free though. Charm free, yes...
- 1 case of coke in cans. Well I think it's disgusting stuff . Like McDonalds predigested sandwiches. Do you know, if I had to choose between a Mcdonalds with coke, and having my tongue ripped out and placed inside my own colon, I'd probably be licking my own arse right now...
- 1 case of cans of assorted sodas. Ginger beer? Dandelion & burdock? I don't know. Lemonade?
- 2 x 48oz bottles of ocean spray cranberry juice. (48 oz is American for 'large"). But no blends please. No orange and cranberry, or cranberry and turkey. Cranberry with even more cranberry is ok.
- 1 x 48 oz bottles of tropicana orange juice.
- Some kettle chips or chips artesanale or hand-made chips or.... Do you know what i mean? Real, old fashioned, proper potato chips. But from a different kettle to the one they made the vodka in.
-Cauliflower & broccoli, cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage. I fucking hate that.
Nearly finished now. I think I could do with a rest. I've been on me feet all day. Really! Somebody stole all the chairs out of the office. Bastards.
-Some crackers And maybe some dips. Hummus and taramasalata. Today the world, tamarasalata. Nuts. Assorted nibbly things.
-A bit of fresh bread, some corn chips, smoked fish, tinned sardines & tinned tuna.
-Lots & lots of clean ice. (Not ice that a polar bear has been standing on, with its big mucky feet. Polar bears are still bears, aren't they? Not pigs, like the panda.
-And then lots more for after the show. Ice, that is. Forget about the panda.
-Plastic cups, assorted sizes, suitable for hot and cold drinks. At least one sleeve of 16oz solo, and some little ones. Does anyone outside the U.S.of A. understand what this means? I don't, and I wrote it.
-18 large bath towels. Not face cloths. Towels. Nice and freshly laundered too.
-A copy of the New York Times. A recent copy, if possible. In fact, today's would be nice.
I think that's about it.
Oh yes. A Yamaha MT03 motorcycle for me would be nice. To keep. With a full tank, and a helmet. Well, you can't blame me for trying.