Kesha Opens Up About Eating Disorder
Kesha says the pressure she felt to “be a certain size” made her believe she “wasn’t supposed to eat food.”
The pop star opened up about her eating disorder in a new interview with Rolling Stone.
Kesha recalled that she felt ashamed whenever she ate. “I would make myself throw up because I'd think, 'Oh, my God, I can't believe I actually did that horrible thing. I'm so ashamed of myself because I don't deserve to eat food.’”
The singer admitted she was “slowly, slowly, slowly starving myself.”
She explained: “The worse I got and the sicker I got, the better a lot of people around me were saying that I looked. They would just be like, 'Oh, my gosh, keep doing whatever you're doing! You look so beautiful, so stunning.’”
Kesha recalled being at a dinner party and trying to hide her food from family members and friends. “I was like, 'Oh, my God, what if they walk outside and see this food in a bush? Or they see it in the garbage can?' And I just had all this mounting anxiety.
“And then finally I was like, ‘F**k. This. S**t. F**k this s**t. I'm hungry!' And I am so anxious that I feel like I'm going to explode from all the secrets. All the secret times I'm pretending to eat or other times I'm purging, and I'm trying to not let anybody know. And I'm just f**king sick of this s**t.
"And I remember just shaking because I was so fed up, so anxious, and I was just mad that I had let myself get to that point.”
Claiming she had forgotten how to eat, Kesha checked into rehab.
“I just remember crying into a carbohydrate," she told Rolling Stone, "being like, 'I can't eat it. It's going to make me fat, and if I'm fat, I can't be a singer because pop stars can't eat food – they can't be fat.’”
In the interview, Kesha declines to discuss her legal battle with former producer Dr. Luke but called Taylor Swift “a f**king sweetheart” for donating $250,000 for her legal costs.
“Very, very sweet, very, very genuine, extremely generous, picks up the phone every time I call her,” she said of Swift. “My mom doesn't even always pick up the phone!”