#LifeWithCharlie - I Only Remember, Trying To Remember
I lost control last night.
I don’t remember drinking. I don’t remember where I was. I don’t remember how it happened.
I remember the feeling of guilt and shame. I remember the gawd awful hangover. I remember the ‘hangxiety’.
I remember apologizing to any and everyone that would listen. I remember crying and shaking. I remember being desperate to find Charlie and make sure she was OK. To apologize to her for being such a failure.
I remember trying to remember.
And then I woke up.
It was all a dream. Thank GAWD it was all a dream.
A nightmare, actually.
I am just over one year sober and I am having NIGHTMARES about drinking. About slipping. About throwing all this hard work down the toilet (literally)
Some days are easier than others but I think about drinking every. Single. Day.
I recently celebrated my Birthday (21st😉) and it was the second one sober...since I was like, 15.
I am 384 days dry today. Counting helps.