#LifeWithCharlie - I Only Remember, Trying To Remember

C100 - K8s Blog - Remember

I lost control last night.

I don’t remember drinking. I don’t remember where I was. I don’t remember how it happened.

I remember the feeling of guilt and shame. I remember the gawd awful hangover. I remember the ‘hangxiety’.

I remember apologizing to any and everyone that would listen. I remember crying and shaking. I remember being desperate to find Charlie and make sure she was OK. To apologize to her for being such a failure.

I remember trying to remember.

And then I woke up.

It was all a dream. Thank GAWD it was all a dream.

A nightmare, actually.

I am just over one year sober and I am having NIGHTMARES about drinking. About slipping. About throwing all this hard work down the toilet (literally)

Some days are easier than others but I think about drinking every. Single. Day.

I recently celebrated my Birthday (21st😉) and it was the second one sober...since I was like, 15.

Crazy, right?

I am 384 days dry today. Counting helps.


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