#LifeWithCharlie - 🎶 I Wonder When I Love Me Is Enough 🎶
What an eye opener.
I have been sober for 509 Days and you would think by now I would love myself for that alone. Then add to that my ability to keep Charlie alive on a daily basis (with or without Diabetes), the joy of my job and the people that come along with it and SO much more!
I am, by definition, PRIVILEGED. And strong AF, if I don’t say so myself.
But yet here I am looking at THIS picture of me, thinking, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!
I have completely let myself go. I have been eating my feelings for the last 6 months. It’s really no different than the years I spent drinking my face off.
Granted, I don’t get drunk from cheesecake....Technically.
I can tell myself, “It’s better than drinking”. I can say it’s because of the pandemic. I can point the blame at literally anything but myself...It’s 2020 for frig sakes.
But it’s me. It’s ALL me.
I have been self sabotaging my whole life.
Why can I not see how lucky I am?! How much privilege I have? There are HORRIFIC things happening in the world right now (right here in NS, especially) and I am BLESSED to be in the position I am in. To have what I have. To have conquered what I have.
Yet, I lay in bed with my cheesecake and wonder, “Why Me”!?
Why does MY daughter have to live with diabetes?! Why can’t I enjoy a drink or two with friends?! Why did my home fall apart at the seams?! (Literally)
Well, enough is enough!
She’s diabetic because she’s a warrior, advocating for others like her. I can’t have a drink or two because I’m an alcoholic. My home fell apart because it wasn’t meant to be.
I am K8.
I am worthy.
And I love me IS enough.
But also, NO MORE CHEESECAKE!
....Unless it’s a special occasion 😉