Singer Jessie J has opened up about the miscarriage she suffered late last year.
“I felt like I’d been given everything I’ve ever wanted and then someone had gone, ‘but you can’t have it,’” she said during an appearance on The Diary Of A CEO podcast. “I’d never felt so lonely in my life.”
Jessie recalled waking up one morning and feeling something was not right. She went for a scan and the doctor told her the baby’s heartbeat was “very low.” Jessie said she decided to go to another doctor for a second scan – and was given the news that there was no heartbeat.
The 34-year-old English pop star, whose real name is Jessica Cornish, shared the heartbreaking news last November on social media. “I’m still in shock, the sadness is overwhelming,” she wrote at the time. “But I know I am strong, and I know I will be ok.”
“I posted it because I didn’t have anyone there to break on. I didn’t have anyone to just fall apart on,” she recalled, “and that’s what I needed. That’s what I wanted.”
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Surprisingly, Jessie went ahead and performed a sold-out acoustic show at The Hotel Café in Los Angeles.
When she arrived home that night, reality hit. “I closed the door and I fell to my knees,” said Jessie. “That was the worst moment of the whole experience – was me realizing that other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life.”
She added: “It was just the saddest thing but at the same time I knew that the reason it happened was because I wasn’t supposed to do it alone. I know I’m supposed to find someone that wants this as much as I do.”
Jessie said she is grateful that she was able to experience being pregnant and said the experience “opened the door for me to love myself deeper.”
She admitted she is still processing what happened and feeling “moments of intense sadness and grief but also moments of excitement knowing that I won’t do it alone.”