Katy Perry has opened up about personal struggles that will surely resonate with millions of her fans.
Perry, 32, broke down during a therapy session with Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh that was broadcast as part of a livestream to promote her new album WITNESS.
The singer repeatedly referred to differences between herself — the woman born Katheryn Hudson — and her famous alter ego Katy Perry.
“I’m really strong as Katy Perry and then sometimes I’m not as strong as Katheryn Hudson,” she said as tears streamed down her face.
“I so badly want to be Katheryn Hudson that I don’t even want to look like Katy Perry anymore sometimes. And that’s a little bit of why I cut my hair is because I really want to be my authentic self, like 100 per cent. So it hurts when it hurts when I don’t feel like I can.”
Perry added: “Look at Katy Perry. She’s so glamorous. She’s rich, she’s luxurious, she’s successful. And Katheryn Hudson… I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have any influence. I didn’t have anything. So it’s a bit hard to go back there.”
Perry was raised in a deeply religious family — she was put into religious schools and camps by her born-again Christian parents — and taught to focus on faith instead of questioning things.
The singer also opened up about her use of alcohol.
“I have to know my limits and so sometimes I have to take a break,” she said. “When I’m not in a good place that’s when I use it, to numb myself.”
At her darkest point, she said she considered suicide.
“I felt ashamed that I would even have those thoughts and feel that low or that depressed,” she said.
Perry explained her spirituality gets her through difficult times.
“I do believe in something much bigger than me and I call that God for me,” she said. “I get to live this wonderful life and I work very hard at it. I know that God has his hand on me and I know that sometimes I go through things and I think they are just too intense, I can’t handle them, and then he swoops in… That brings me through it.”
During the therapy session, Perry discussed her past relationships and the five traits she looks for in a partner. Without mentioning a name, she also reflected on her decision to end a relationship with “an amazing example of a man and a gentleman.”
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Connecting with people has always been difficult, she admitted. In fact, Perry revealed that she only recently learned how to hug.
“I always thought it was too intimate, like a sexual thing. Like a hug is a sexual thing. Someone’s going to feel my boobs or something like that,” she said.
“I didn’t realize that that’s not everybody’s intention. It’s just a hug, it’s just to like connect. So I just learned that.”
Perry said she’d like people to know more about Katheryn Hudson. “You would see that she is a massive dork,” she explained.
“I’m a bit more nerdy than everyone thinks. I’m just a goofball and I like to play a lot. I love humour. I like to make people laugh, I laugh myself.”
Perry addressed the ease at which so many people hide behind the characters they create for social media and the unrealistic expectations of others those apps fuel.
“Everyone wants to be seen and heard. People don’t want to be seen and heard just because of the pictures they post on Instagram or the filters that they pick. That’s not the head that lays down on the pillow,” said Perry.
“We hide behind all these things like Instagram. I create this character. It makes it so much harder to be real and intimate with people. Who are people? Who are they?”
Perry said she hopes her public therapy session will help others.
“If people can see I’m just like them,” she said, “then they can dream just as big.”
Watch the whole session below: