The final days of Avicii are revealed in a biography that is set to be released on Jan. 18.
Måns Mosesson interviewed the DJ’s family – including parents Anki and Klas Bergling – as well as friends and music industry peers for Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii.
After years of struggling with alcohol and substance abuse, Avicii travelled to Oman in April 2018 to follow the teachings of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who believed people can end their suffering by reaching the deepest state of conciousness or enlightenment through meditation.
Rather than meditating for 20 minutes at a time, as suggested, Avicii meditated for hours. A friend expressed concern that he was crying and refusing to eat and speak.
In his journal, Avicii wrote: “It feels like I am in a new default mode of being which is very new and a little bit scary. It felt like the fears the last couple of days caused havoc in me, but I remember the tip to focus on my breathing.”
One of the last entries read: “The shedding of the soul is the last attachment, before it restarts!”
Avicii took his own life using a broken glass bottle on April 20, 2018. He was 28.
Mosesson’s 320-page biography chronicles Avicii’s struggles with mental health issues and addiction. Included are journal entries from his 2015 stint in rehab following an intervention by his family.
“It needed to be explained to me very logically and caveman-esque for me to truly understand its nature and how it was harming me,” wrote Avicii. “Ouch, pain. Why me pain now? Uncomfortable feeling...
“Future Tim deal with pain. Future Tim deal with pain better than present Tim because already there's too many present pains more urgent to deal with."
Rehab did not work. “I had a hard time accepting never drinking again though strongly suggested from all doctors to wait at least a year before even having a beer,” he wrote. “Of course, I didn’t listen to the majority of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was OK if I was careful.
“I was ignorant and naive and touring the world, still on the never-ending tour — because once you’ve circled it once, guess what? You start right back over again.”
Avicii’s heavy drinking resulted in several hospital stays – including New York City in 2012 and Miami in 2014 – and caused him to cancel a number of appearances. In 2016, he announced his intention to stop touring.
In his journal, Avicii said being in hospital was like a holiday. “Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress-free days I can remember the past six years,” he wrote. “Those were my true vacations, as depressing as it might sound.
“The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one is expecting anything other than for you to wait it out (which is the only way of treating pancreatitis) and then recover was huge. It was an extreme relief considering the insane schedule I had kept up until that point.”
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