SWMRS siblings Cole Becker and Max Becker have broken their silence about allegations of sexual misconduct against drummer Joey Armstrong in 2020.
“The time has come for us to set the record straight,” Cole Becker read from an open letter, in a video posted to Instagram on Tuesday.
“For a long time I was scared to say anything because I know that what I have to say right now is controversial. It doesn’t fit neatly into the cultural binary of good versus bad.”
Cole added: “I was scared because I don’t want to fight anyone – that’s the last thing I want to do. But, as this continues to interfere with our ability to do our job, I have no other choice.”
HOW IT STARTED
In July 2020, Lydia Night of The Regrettes took to Instagram to accuse Armstrong, the son of Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong, of sexual misconduct.
Night said she was in a relationship with Armstrong from the time she was 16 until just before her 18th birthday in October 2018. He was 22 at the beginning of their relationship
“What I actually experienced was emotional abuse and sexual coercion by someone in a position of power over me,” she wrote “Because of our age difference, Joey would continually ask me to keep our relationship as hidden as possible and I did … This created an isolating mindset where I constantly felt alone.
Night alleged Armstrong got sex by “shaming me for saying I wasn’t comfortable, gaslighting me or ignoring me when I didn’t give my consent.”
She detailed several sexual encounters she had with Armstrong while her band was on the road with his.
Night said she ended the relationship but, months later, had to honour an agreement to tour with SWMRS. “We were treated like strangers from a band I had previously considered to be some of my closest friends,” she recalled. “It felt like SWMRS and their team were doing anything they could to exert power and punish me.”
She insisted she was not looking to cancel the musician or his band but hopes to “further the conversation on the intricacies of power abuse, grooming and manipulation that not only exists in the music industry, but in so many other industries.”
In a statement, Armstrong responded: “While I don’t agree with some of the things she said about me, it’s important she be allowed to say them and that she be supported for speaking out. I respect her immensely and fully accept that I failed her as a partner. I was selfish and I didn’t treat her the way she deserves to have been treated both during our relationship and in the two years since we broke up.
"I have apologized to her privately and I hope she can forgive me, if and when she is ready to do so. I own my mistakes and will work hard to regain the trust that I lost.”
SILENCE BROKEN
With his brother Max at his side, Cole addressed Night’s accusations of “emotional abuse and sexual coercion” against Armstrong.
“When I first heard that she was going to call Joey out, I immediately called her,” he said. “I remember that Joey and her had met up months before to discuss their relationship after the fact, and I believed that it had gone well. So I wanted to figure out what had changed.”
“We talked twice and it was going well until she made light of my brother’s car wreck, and suggested that we could post about The Regrettes on our Instagram story to prevent her from going public with her accusations. At which point I had to step away from the situation.”
(Max was seriously injured in October 2019 when he was ejected from a van that hit a patch of black ice on a highway and went off the road.)
Cole alleged that Night, in her statement, embellished certain details and disputed her claim that Armstrong had urged her to keep their relationship secret.
Cole also denied the relationship was sexual. “I was also confused because they never had sex, and yet many people began to refer to him as a rapist. And to us as rape apologists,” he said.
“There was no accusation of sexual assault, and yet the statement was written to make it appear that Joey was a sexual predator.
“Maybe he wasn’t a good boyfriend, but he is not a sexual predator. Maybe they shouldn’t have dated, but they did.”
Cole said it did not feel right to speak up earlier but “the discrepancies were too glaring for me to take her side over his” and he was reluctant to publicly condemn his friend.
“Because we refused to condemn him, we got cancelled. We started getting death threats. Private information about our lives was being passed around casually by people who felt betrayed by us,” he claimed. “People were finding every creative way to tell us that we sucked and that they hated us.
“If you were one of these people, I get it. You had believed that we stood for something, and yet here we were seemingly contradicting ourselves by standing by our friend amid these allegations.”
Cole admitted he had previously been on the other side of a cancel “frenzy.”
He explained: "I thought that I had been using my platform for a good thing. But in the end, I was participating in a culture that rewards cruel behaviour in the name of justice. And I only learned this because of how cruel people were being to us. We were being media flogged.”
SWMRS, pictured in 2016. Mark Davis / Getty Images
FUTURE OF SWMRS
Cole said Armstrong and bandmate Seb Mueller have left SWMRS but he and his Max will carry on.
“After everything we’ve been through, it feels stupid to quit,” he explained. “He has worked relentlessly on his recovery since the accident with this sole intention of being able to play rock music on a stage again. Our band means a lot to us, and I think it means a lot to a lot of you as well.”
In their open letter, the Becker brothers acknowledged not every SWMRS fans will want to jump back in.
“Some of you will hear this and it won’t be enough. If that’s the case, you don’t have to listen to our music,” Cole said. “I’m only trying to tell you the truth. I’ve not always done the right thing but anyone who really knows me knows that I always try to treat people with respect, and to work from a place of love.
“No matter how this letter finds you, we’re sending you love, respect and gratitude. It’s always been an honour to share our music with you."
LYDIA NIGHT RESPONDS
On Wednesday afternoon, Night posted a video response to the Beckers' open letter.
"How dare you," she fumed, accusing the brothers of victim blaming and gaslighting. Night alleged "there was statutory rape" because she was 16 when Armstrong allegedly "had me give him oral sex." (The age of consent varies by state. Armstrong has not been charged with a criminal offence.)
Night said she can't control what people say about Armstrong or if they try to cancel SWMRS. "All I have control over is me speaking my truth and trying to heal from the traumatic experience that I had as a minor with your bandmate and best friend," she said.
"I’m done talking about it. Go make your f**king music. I don’t give a s**t. Just f**k off. Just f**k off and stop gaslighting me."