Billie Eilish: 'I Didn't Think I Would Make It To 17'

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Billie Eilish revealed more about her mental health struggles in an interview that aired Thursday.

“I don't want to be dark, but I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17,” the singer said on The Gayle King Grammy Special.

“I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel … And I remember there was a window right there … I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it.”

In the interview, which was taped last month, Eilish admitted she was struggling to deal with fame, particularly the loss of privacy and friends. “I was so unhappy [in 2018],” she recalled. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless.”

Eilish, who turned 18 last month, credited her mother Maggie Baird for keeping her alive.

Last summer, Eilish told Rolling Stone about sitting on her bathroom floor trying to think of something to look forward to. “I could not think of one thing. I thought for a long time, too,” she recalled. “I was like, ‘There has to be something.’ But there was nothing.

“I would break down and kind of crumble. I felt unsafe with myself, even for an hour. I don’t trust myself when I’m alone.”

Earlier last year, Eilish appeared in an AdCouncil video in which she urged others struggling with mental health issues to talk to someone. “It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help,” she said. “It doesn’t make you weak to ask for a friend, to go to a therapist. It shouldn’t make you feel weak to ask anyone for help.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, visit Bell Let's Talk for resources.

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