Justin Bieber Opens Up About Struggles, Marriage
“I got really depressed on tour,” he told Vogue about the decision to end the 2017 tour early. “I haven’t talked about this, and I’m still processing so much stuff that I haven’t talked about. I was lonely. I needed some time.”
Bieber, who grew up in the spotlight, said he has difficult trusting people. “I’ve struggled with the feeling that people are using me or aren’t really there for me,” he explained. “One of the big things for me is trusting myself. I’ve made some bad decisions personally, and in relationships. Those mistakes have affected my confidence in my judgment.
“It’s been difficult for me even to trust Hailey. We’ve been working through stuff.”
The pair got married in a New York City courthouse last September and are reportedly planning to have a proper ceremony soon.
They are currently making a home for themselves on the property Bieber bought last year in Puslinch – about 90 minutes east of the London, Ont. hospital where Bieber was born. (Vogue describes the house as being “outside Toronto” – it’s actually more than an hour away.)
"Fighting is good,” Bieber said. “Doesn’t the Bible talk about righteous anger? We don’t want to lose each other. We don’t want to say the wrong thing, and so we’ve been struggling with not expressing our emotions, which has been driving me absolutely crazy because I just need to express myself, and it’s been really difficult to get her to say what she feels.”
Bieber described himself as the “emotionally unstable one” in the marriage and admitted he struggles to find peace.
“I just feel like I care so much and I want things to be so good and I want people to like me,” he explained. “Hailey’s very logical and structured, which I need. I’ve always wanted security—with my dad being gone sometimes when I was a kid, with being on the road. With the lifestyle I live, everything is so uncertain. I need one thing that’s certain.”
Bieber seemed to suggest that fans shouldn’t expect to hear new music from him anytime soon. “Just thinking about music stresses me out,” he said. “I’ve been successful since I was 13, so I didn’t really have a chance to find who I was apart from what I did.
“I just needed some time to evaluate myself: who I am, what I want out of my life, my relationships, who I want to be—stuff that when you’re so immersed in the music business you kind of lose sight of.”
Bieber said at one point in his teens he believed the hype around him and he became cocky and arrogant.
“A lot of the douchey things I was doing gave people the right to be like, ‘Man, that’s frickin’ douchey, bro.’ But a lot of the stuff was like—me peeing in a bucket, people made such a big deal of that. Or me owning a monkey. It’s like, if you had the money that I had, why wouldn’t you get a monkey? You would get a monkey!”
Bieber said he was abusing Xanax to “put a screen between” him and behaviour of which he was “ashamed.” He recalled: “It got pretty dark. I think there were times when my security was coming in late at night to check my pulse and see if I was still breathing.”